Top of the World
by Kariko Emma
Summary: Not the most conventional Sakumo seppuku story. I’m not changing the result or down-playing the outcome; only the reason. Final chapters posted. Thank you so much guys.
1. Chapter 1

**Top of the World**

**Summary:** Not the most conventional Sakumo seppuku story...I'm not changing the result or down-playing the outcome; only the reason.  
**Author's Note:** Caution, 398-ish spoiler: Deals with a theory of mine, based on the new manga revelations…: If the elders had set up the Uchiha clan, could they have set up Sakumo?  
I'm thinking possibly yes, and what a bunch of butt-heads.

…I love this song **so** immensely; it's one of the greatest songs ever. (**Top of the World** by the Dixie Chicks)—also while writing this, I listened to "Sinners Like Me," and especially "Lightning," both by Eric Church.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto, but I love him all the same. (I don't own the song, either.)  
**Genre:** Tragedy; Humor (Rated only for the language; Jiraiya needs to go wash his mouth out…)

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She wiped away the sweat above her brow and silently wondered if it could possibly get any worse. Tsunade didn't mind complication—so long as it was in theater, and not actual life. Her breathing slowed, and for a second, she could have sworn Jiraiya was in more pain than Sakumo was.

Tsunade saw Jiraiya look at her with all the uncertainty she had. It hadn't helped any, unless she told him something specific to do, like go get some water, hold him steady, of go recite shinobi ordinance. Tsunade decided she'd go ahead and fix a bandage on Sakumo's arm using material Jiraiya had torn from one of his sleeves. She started wrapping when she cleared her throat and said, "Jiraiya…why don't you talk to him…I have a bias to think it works."

She had a clear view of Jiraiya's profile—seemingly calmer than it had been five minutes ago. She imagined he'd speak quietly to him; maybe say some pretty annoying Tennyson verse to try and piss each other off—Jiraiya liked venting his anger so, but as she slipped a ribbon of indigo around Sakumo's arm, she heard: _"SAKUMO—DON'T DIE!"_ Tsunade practically leapt back five feet in surprise. "Just please…don't…" he couldn't bring himself to say the word.

Jiraiya was hardly aware he startled her.

Tsunade looked at him in astonishment. She'd never heard or witnessed Jiraiya make that kind of wish. And Tsunade knew herself it was the wildest wish she could ever bet on. Sakumo would have died without question if they hadn't found him when they did. Now, by Tsunade's medical meddling, she may have just prolonged his life a little, at best. Still, Jiraiya's near-scream of good will rang in her ears as she slowly returned to her position.

Predictably, Jiraiya fell silent. Normally, everyone knew he always had something witty to say, but not now. He kept staring at his brother's face as if it should change. Jiraiya never felt so helpless in his life.

Tsunade finished and leaned back. She decided anything might be better than the silence. "Jiraiya—"

"I'm sorry," he said instantly, surrendering to quiet. "Maybe…maybe I thought he'd hear it better if I…if I said it like that."

She grinned at such a cute thing to say. "I'm sure he did," she lied.

Jiraiya looked at her. "What's next? What do we do?"

Tsunade took a breath. In truth, all she had were general ideas. Never before had she seen a man as beaten and broken as this, let alone Sakumo of all people. She sighed, glancing at him. "There's a medical station close to the border we can take him to…from there I can…" She decided to leave out the 'maybe', "…do something."

"All right," he agreed.

Again, she touched her forehead in a sort of evasive manner, subconsciously preparing the answer for Jiraiya's eventual question. "Under any other circumstance, I would not let him be moved."

"Tsunade…what are you implying?"

It was clear on her face that she did not wish to answer. "He's not well."

"Please…tell me."

Tsunade shook her head and stood. "All I can say is we need to get going."

Jiraiya nodded. "All right."

Tsunade watched as he got a grip on Sakumo's unconscious frame. "Hold him steady."

But Jiraiya couldn't bring himself to say anything this time. Instead, with Tsunade's direction, took the lead and never looked back.

--◊--


	2. Chapter 2

**TotW -2**

**Author's Note:** I know this is extremely dumb, but please please try to assume that little or no time has passed between chapters unless otherwise stated. Chapters are way easier to go through than a big glob of fifteen thousand words or so. (...I kinda wrote it as such...Probably after this chapter I may post two at a time or something.)

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Just like her eager little brother, Tsunade knew men possessed the uncontrollable urge to feel they can tackle anything. _Do_ anything. So after two hours of moving non-stop, who was she to argue if Jiraiya was still moving, and had no intention to stop? She knew Sakumo's own life was fragile, at best, but she really hated the idea of trying to carry _two_ passed-out men on her back—it just wouldn't look natural.

But three hours in, they finally slowed to walk on the path on the border. Jiraiya was the first to ask, "Which way?"

"Keep going straight."

"That's helpful," he grumbled.

"I have a bias to think that negative energy transfers. Please try to think positively." Her face was serious through the darkness, but she'd said it sweetly.

"Goddammit—oh just…" he grumbled incoherently.

Tsunade glared and walked ahead of him, looking to her left and right. Jiraiya unwillingly proving himself to be to be more the weary. She didn't like it…until finally, she saw a familiar face come running from her right.

Jiraiya stopped abruptly as he heard, _"Tsunade-himé!"_

Tsunade greeted her. "I'm afraid we haven't much time."

"Oh! You have injured," the apprentice stated obviously, to Jiraiya's further embatterment. "This way," she said.

They came down a hidden path, into the entrance of the station. Jiraiya was doing all he could to follow Tsunade who followed the young medic nin. As they started down a hallway, two of the ANBU black opps—always at least two on guard—stopped them. Tsunade looked confused. "What?" she asked plainly.

"It's about him," the taller of the two jerked behind her, on her left.

"Me?" asked Jiraiya.

"No," he said. "_Him_," clearly meaning Sakumo. The ANBU leaned closer to Tsunade. "We were told he was dead."

_"What?!"_ Jiraiya's interjection over-shadowed her own.

Tsunade put her hands on her hips. "Clearly that man is here for medical—"

"I'm afraid you don't understand," said the ANBU, lowly. "We were told _he_ was _dead_."

"I see," she answered understandingly. But Tsunade didn't have time for political games, or agendas. "But I'm afraid _you_ do not 'understand'. I am the princess Tsunade, granddaughter to Shodai hokage, and one of the very,_ very_ powerful saanin. That man over there is my patient, and by God, I will treat him where I wish! Am I clear?!"

The ANBU had phased back. "Y—yes ma'am."

Tsunade turned on her heel; her assistant followed, as did Jiraiya who resisted the urge to lay Sakumo on the floor and punch the ANBU's lights out as he walked past.

--◊--

Tsunade started giving instructions to the young medic nin as soon as they came five feet in front of the room. Jiraiya no sooner laid Sakumo on the table before Tsunade set to work. Seeing as his arms were lead, Jiraiya shooed himself in a corner, just happy to sit on the floor. He lost track of the girls' voices half an hour in.

--◊--

"Jiraiya," she shook him. _"Jiraiya!"_

"My—pants…" he mumbled, moving his head. He opened his eyes. "Uh…" Jiraiya wasn't exactly eye level.

She slapped his face. "We need to get out of here."

"W—what?"

_"Now,"_ she commanded.

"W-what?!" He blinked and looked around. Sakumo was still up on the table, and he saw it was only him and Tsunade in an otherwise calm atmosphere. "Why?" Tsunade was already packing some supplies in a bag. She hung the strap by her neck.

Jiraiya got up, confused.

Tsunade looked at him with urgency. "Just carry Sakumo, I'll explain on the way out."

"What?" Jiraiya begged.

_"Now!!"_

He shook his head and did as she asked.

Tsunade led him through the halls until they came to the back way out where she saw the young medic nin. "It's all clear," she said. "Ganbatte gozaimasu, Tsunade-himé."

"Thank you," Promptly, she went out the door, and Jiraiya watched in continued confusion as it closed behind him.

"Let's go," Tsunade ran.

It was not quite dawn.

"Where?" Jiraiya followed.

"Konoha," she said. "Home."

--◊--


	3. Chapter 3

**TotW -3**

**Author's Note: **Thank you so so much for the reviews!! (I'm not worthy!)

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Jiraiya knew it would be futile to ask anymore questions for a while. It wasn't something he could easily refrain from—not with his temper and Sakumo in his arms again. It always seemed once things start going right, they turn even worse five minutes later—or in this case, five hours later. Just what time was it, anyway?

--◊--

They both knew it was three days back to their 'home', but being in a rush, Tsunade hoped they could make it in two, which was a wish to put all others to shame. After what seemed like a couple hours, she stopped without warning and Jiraiya skidded clumsily to avoid her.

It was dark for being morning.

There were as many vines as there were trees, she almost wondered how any rays of sunrise were able to pierce through. But the trees didn't exactly start at ground level—short hills of rock bordered their path, the web of vines covering everything like patchwork. Finally, she turned around and told Jiraiya to lay him down.

Jiraiya did so and sat down by him. He looked at her expectantly. "So…? What the hell was it?"

She sighed and sat down as well. Inside, she was as unsure as he was, if not more. "Jiraiya…there was word of Kumo ninja that would be converging on that area."

He blinked. "That's…all?" She wouldn't say anything. "Just an…evacuation order?"

"No, Jiraiya," she shook her head in dull frustration. "We never got that order."

Now he was confused. "What—What do you mean?"

"I was the only one told to leave."

"…Why?"

Tsunade couldn't stop looking at them—her gaze drifted down to Sakumo. She didn't want to answer the question for fear the answer. "I think you know, Jiraiya," she muttered glumly.

"No—I don't," he growled. "Please, enlighten me."

She glared in her usual annoyed with everything manner. "Don't you remember what the ANBU said?" She looked away from Sakumo. "They were told he was _dead_."

"So?" said Jiraiya. Truth was, he didn't want to start admitting to anything, either; especially when the facts were as inscrutable as this.

"And then_ I'm_ the only one they tell about the advance?"

Jiraiya said nothing.

Finally, she glanced back down to the unmoving form of Sakumo. She spoke quietly. "Sakumo's mission failed—for whatever reason, I don't know, but I don't think it's coincidence."

"You saying…" Jiraiya bit his lip. "You saying…" but he wouldn't let himself say it. "But they can't shun him for_ that_. Sakumo always has his reasons."

"Jiraiya…that may not be their point. You know how the elders are—they pick and choose. I don't…" she sighed. "When people get too powerful—"

Jiraiya turned away to hide his face. "He left us a trail of _blood_. And it wasn't back to Konoha—it was in the _opposite direction!_" he said in his own pain.

She couldn't say anything.

"Sakumo…! They can't," he gritted. "They just can't—it's not fair."

"He belongs in Konoha right now—"

"Where—to die?"

"_Jiraiya_," she said. "I never said—"

He looked at her angrily. "You didn't have to."

Tsunade didn't retaliate. She couldn't—she knew her troubled face gave away more than she could have otherwise said. It was her fault for that much. Finally, she spoke quietly. "We don't know how this is going to go. And as for Sakumo…" There was no more use in lying; she shrugged internally. "He's the strongest man I know…He won't give in easily."

Jiraiya hung his head, looking down at the man in question, knowing it was true. "Then…" he said. "Let's get going."

She agreed.

--◊--

The two took a break another couple hours later, where the darkness of the day decreased a little. Tsunade figured with these surroundings, it was probably best to travel during the day. So, while she let Jiraiya rest, she attended to her patient.

Even back at the medical station, Sakumo—to her knowledge—had not consciously awoken. Given her strong words, she was more than worried she'd only end up lying to Jiraiya again. And hat was the absolute _last_ thing Tsunade wanted.

They were brothers.

Even now, Tsunade doesn't mess with or try to change or dilute that simple statement. There were just too many ingrown idiosyncrasies between the two of them for that. The only thing was, was that nobody else knew but her as far as she knew.

They were half-brothers, to be exact.

Tsunade wasn't a hundred percent sure which parent was the double-crosser, but if she had to guess, she would have picked the father—only because Jiraiya's hair seemed thinner and his manner more open from a second marriage. That was definitely a mom thing, or so she guessed…

Suddenly, Tsunade found she had something in her eye.

--◊--


	4. Chapter 4

**TotW -4**

**Author's Note: **(You can stop reading this at any time now...lol; I'm a terrible writer.)

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It hadn't gotten very warm during the day, in fact, it stayed cool, as was much the same during the night. She'd seen Jiraiya was about to collapse, so she somewhat cheerfully said, "Oh! This will be a great place to sleep!"

Jiraiya knew her too well to be like that, so he grinned almost deliriously as he laid down his luggage—Sakumo, no less. With that, Jiraiya collapsed against a rock beside him. He seemed too tired to continue anything witty.

Tsunade went to fill a water bottle she'd packed, and when she returned, she saw both men unmoving—one asleep, the other unconscious. She almost felt like laughing. Oh now that's what little sleep does to her…Tsunade's giddiness subsided as she stood over Sakumo; Jiraiya almost acting as a big, asleep-yet obnoxious teddy bear behind him. Now she _knew_ she was losing it—it's probably what Jiraiya _wanted_ her to think. Briefly, she smiled.

It was late, and finally, Tsunade saw the first rays of moonlight shine through the massive canopy above. By the fire's light she'd been able to change all of Sakumo's bandages, except for the one large, rather lethal one across his chest. She'd taken off his mask back at the station and oh, oops, she forgot to pack a new one. Oh well, he'll only be able to _breathe_ better, she smiled ruefully, looking at his face. Once again, she jumped back as Jiraiya startled her: "My—pants…." he muttered groggily.

"Jiraiya?" she exclaimed.

He opened his eyes. "Oh—hi, Tsunade…" He yawned and sat up a little straighter. "What's up?"

She smiled, "Oh, nothing."

"Oh really? We're not running from anybody else? Bigfoot, maybe?"

"No, no…But now that you mention it, he did stop by earlier."

"Oh, really? What was he doing?"

Tsunade smiled again as she looked at him. "Looking for his hairdryer," she improvised.

Jiraiya grinned. "Did you give it to him?"

She scoffed and made a face.

He only laughed.

Jiraiya's smile disappeared as he looked down at Sakumo. He saw the dirt had been cleaned away, but more black and blue bruises had been hiding underneath. The other saanin wondered what it'd all been worth. Never in his life had he ever really doubted Sakumo, not once. Sakumo had too much to back up his promises—he never broke one he made, not once. Jiraiya felt the heat of the fire mix with the cool air. He cleared his throat, but even that wasn't enough to clear the doubt from his mind. He saw Tsunade was about to say something when she suddenly held her breath. He looked down to Sakumo and suddenly held his own.

The man was trying to get his eyes open; a thin line of blood coming from his mouth.

"Sakumo!" Jiraiya's interjection louder than her own.

Tsunade tried shooing him back, but Jiraiya kept staring. _"Sakumo!"_

The man in question finally opened his eyes, but he squinted—in too much pain to do otherwise. Tsunade felt his forehead and grimaced. She searched behind her and found the empty bottle. Tsunade grabbed it and thrust it at Jiraiya, "Go," she pointed.

He glared but didn't question her.

Once he was out of sight, Tsunade looked at Sakumo. "It's all right," she said. "You're safe," He didn't respond, but blinked up at the maze of canopy and seemed to understand what she said was true. Tsunade leaned in a little closer. "Sakumo-san," She saw him wince at what she'd called him. "Sakumo—Please, I need you to tell me what you remember. What did they inject you with?"

He coughed. "Tsu—na…de-himé," He shook his head in the smallest motion. "Doesn't…matter…"

Her face flushed—she saw Jiraiya coming back.

"Doesn't…"

Sakumo wasn't able to say anything else as he drifted off. Tsunade took the bottle from Jiraiya, who returned to Sakumo's side. He watched as she put a wet cloth on his forehead. "What happened?"

Tsunade wouldn't look at him.

"Sakumo…" said Jiraiya, as if he could have the answer. "Sakumo…"

Tsunade turned and faced the fire, her arms hugging her knees—God-dammit, she had something in her eyes again.

"Sakumo…!" he said again, a little louder. But no one seemed to hear him. He looked at her. "Tsunade, what happened?"

"He's only sleeping."

"…Are you crying?"

"No."

Jiraiya didn't say anything for a while. He stayed where he was—he knew she wanted to be alone. He pursed his lips, "It's not your fault, you know," He looked down. "None of it is."

"I know," she said. "But I…" she regressed, watching the flame.

"But?"

"But I…I feel like I can still _fix_ everything…Maybe that comes with being a doctor—I don't know."

Jiraiya looked at her profile. "You've always tried your best—I don't blame you."

"Still," she murmured. "_Still I wish.._."

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I wished I was smarter.

--◊--


	5. Chapter 5

**TotW -5**

**Author's Note: **Wow, more of a longie...

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Jiraiya snores.

It's probably not something he's aware of, but Tsunade was. And even though it ticked her off, she was tired enough not to notice, let alone care. The dark morning came and soon they set off again.

Sakumo (had the indecency) to wake up twice the next day—a day which brought them closer to home. Once, in the afternoon, in Jiraiya's arms, to which Jiraiya yelled, _"OH MY GOD! He's trying to tell me SOMETHING!"_ (Not really—just coughing up blood.)

The second time being at night again.

Being closer to Konohagakuré, they watched the landscape change, reverting back to flatter land and trees from the ground up—most covered with moss instead of vines. Tsunade caught a few fish from a nearby river and they seemed to act like sleeping pills the flying chariot Jiraiya turned into. He didn't mind it though. Tsunade looked back to the other Hatake, who seemed nonchalant as well, lying there unconscious…

…Given he was in a hell-world of pain, fighting inwardly for his own life. There wasn't much else she could do—sorry, no, she forgot to pack those damn IV's. She did, however, grab a needle of one certain injection she gave to him. Sometimes she did wonder why they couldn't carry their bottle of 'ketchup' with them…

For most of the night, they had slept like literal rocks, with the exception of one certain shinobi…

It's been said it's more a battle of conscious than healing. You may say you're prepared to die, but does that mean you _prefer_ to die? Sakumo didn't like these kinds of internal battles; his heart had died a long time ago when he watched his wife die. He kept on living—so what else was there to prove?

_Not much—just live with the pain, baka._

But the pain was mainly what was killing him. He remembered everything that happened—dammit, he knew he shouldn't have left them alone—but damn; it was such a good idea at the time. He went back for them because he had to—it wasn't in him to leave them to die. Those were his friends…who only looked at him, baffled in contempt. They betrayed him in the price of war and he was captured.

_Well, at least they were safe, baka…_

He was held for…how many days was it? He lost count. Being unconscious kind of does it to you after a while. Was it…had it been a week? More? Less? He wasn't sure. But he got away.

Sakumo had left a blatant trail of blood he couldn't help. He doubled back as often as possible—but he knew full well he wasn't exactly going to get anywhere. He traveled north because it was easier to hide. And plus, he'd been there before. There was a depression of hills he'd come upon—he thought maybe, oh just maybe underneath this lone tree, he'd take a rest…to which, predictably, he did not awake from.

Some plan that was.

It was lucky Jiraiya and Tsunade-himé had come to find him. (Or they could have been just walking by and went, "Oh, look, there's Sakumo,") Who knew they'd look all that way north—one could almost get a nosebleed so high up on the top of the world. Sakumo was grateful.

_Now—just live with this pain, baka._

He twitched and trembled. It wasn't yet dawn, still dark as night. Sakumo could not get the faces of his captors from his head or the things they did. He had played the part many times prior—the only difference being these ninja knew _exactly_ who he was. For that reason, they ignored his sweet little comments ("do you guys do your own laundry?") and carried out every single one of their threats they'd promised.

Just like that, for the second time, he felt everything. The jab to his chest, the blade lodged in his side, the slap on his face. Sakumo braced for a fall when he woke up.

It was not yet dawn.

He was breathing fast—he sat up and let out a curt yelp as he felt stitches tear from his skin. Immediately he straightened against a tree, coughing up blood.

Tsunade was first to wake up. She saw Sakumo in the upright position and prayed she was only seeing double of Jiraiya. But as there were two, slightly different silver-haired men in her midst, she cursed and rushed to the injured one just as Jiraiya was coming to.

Sakumo had stopped convulsing, but his body was still trembling—in fear if Tsunade didn't know any better. She came closer to him, and Sakumo found he was too weak to pull away. Tsunade retreated back and prevented Jiraiya from moving forward. "It's all right," she said. "It's just us, Tsunade and Jiraiya. Sakumo-san—" she still couldn't help it. "Sakumo, it's all right. You're safe."

But that obviously hadn't done anything since he was still breathing as if he'd been the one that had traveled with a guy in his arms all day. Sweat ran down his forehead, but he trembled as if he were cold.

"Jiraiya, get some water."

Behind her, he mumbled, but picked up the bottle anyway and went. He'd complained as if it were a fool's errand, but Tsunade wasn't concerned if Jiraiya had the chance to talk to him any time soon. Sakumo needed medical meddling, more than anything, and she intended to give it.

Tsunade approached slowly, but Sakumo still pulled his head back, breathing hard. She winced for him. Sakumo-san, it's all right, you're safe. Listen to my voice—it's only me, Tsunade."

He didn't say anything.

"Sakumo, I need to look at your wound."

Slowly, he turned to her.

Slowly, she advanced.

He did nothing.

"It's all right," she said again. He only closed his eyes.

It was a clean shirt—at least it had been. She slit it open simply using the chakra from her fingers. _Great,_ she thought, _just great._ Most of her handiwork on his chest had been torn. From the corner of her eye, she saw Jiraiya coming back.

He looked at her almost pleadingly.

She sighed quietly, and started giving the other guy more orders. "Jiraiya, get that kit from my pack."

Instantly, he produced it, and she fished around for some gauze. Of course there wasn't enough, but she gave it to Jiraiya and told him to apply pressure. The wound in the most danger she was referring to was on Sakumo's side, just off the ribcage. Tsunade wouldn't have been surprised if the blade had originally hit there and stead slid off into the flesh.

Jiraiya moved to his side and did as he was told. He watched Sakumo wince, probably wanting to squirm away. Jiraiya could hardly feel the ribcage expand and contract— Sakumo's breathing was too erratic.

Tsunade had another problem: light.

Their fire had slowly died to embers, so she grabbed some twigs and poked it in hopes of re-kindling it. Fires weren't exactly her specialty or luck, Jiraiya had always been the one to set them up. Maybe it was a guy thing. As an ember took hold and flamed up a ways, she heard her name called.

The gauze wasn't much use soaked in blood.

So, she found the needle, the alcohol, the thread, and switched places with him. "Just…hold him steady or something." she said.

Painfully, Jiraiya nodded.

-

I wished I was stronger.

--◊--


	6. Chapter 6

**TotW -6**

**Author's Note: **Um, an oc mention; you'll probably know who I'm talking about anyway. I came up with the name, and she'll re-occur in another chapter(s).

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The world seemed so dizzy so up high…Was he still in the neutral zone? _You better not get caught, baka. _Indeed, he had been foolish. Lucky Jiraiya and Tsunade came along to find you. He thought he heard her voice again; "I think I can patch this one, myself."

Jiraiya automatically moved out of her way. "Are you sure?" He knew she didn't like being questioned, but he was only concerned.

"Yeah," she said, mainly because she wanted to.

The gash was on his chest, just below the ribcage. It was too clean a cut for Sakumo to have tried dodging it—from experience, no wounds of his were ever this straight. Tsunade gathered up chakra in her and hands, took a breath, and pushed hard.

Jiraiya looked up; sunrise was coming through the trees.

He was too weak to fidget, so Sakumo only kept his eyes closed and uttered a low groan. He never used to show pain—he never used to get caught when it counted.

When she finished, she was finally able to bandage him up for the second—or was it the third time? Tsunade didn't know that it mattered. She tied the ends tightly—on purpose. Sakumo seemed to be calmly drifting in and out of consciousness.

She looked at Jiraiya. "Help me," Of course, it's didn't quite pertain to her. Together, they laid him down and sat there—at least Jiraiya did. Tsunade went to wash her hands of all the blood that stained them.

Jiraiya watched his brother.

It was uneventful as opposed to ten minutes ago, but he wasn't about to get bored anytime soon. They were still a good six or seven hours away from Konohagakuré—which wasn't anything to give him comfort—not unless they packed up and left right now which was no doubt out of the question. But with Jiraiya finding himself this anxious for Sakumo's sake, what else could he do?

_Not much—just live with the pain, baka._

Sakumo would have bet good money with Tsunade-himé that he looked like crap. Only problem is she would agree and no one would win. So, Sakumo would have changed his mind and declared he looked awesome, as always, just so Tsunade-himé would feel proud she won for once.

Money was of no consequence to him. Wealth was a word. More often than not, _health_ was the only thing that concerned him. His child's health, his wife's health, and now his son's health…and now his own. So...what was that about living with the pain…? Oh yeah, that's right, listen to her voice—she said listen to her voice. Well, he did, but Yoshiko still went away.

_Oh please, just let this damn pain go away._

-

I wished I loved Jesus, the way my wife does.

--◊--

Jiraiya kept in step with Tsunade to prove he didn't need a break. She'd said they were so close to home—Jiraiya didn't think it mattered how dead he'd be left standing. They'd only stopped once that morning—Jiraiya had Sakumo on his back this time, figuring it would help. Sakumo hadn't woken again yet, and it seemed not to surprise the amazingly strong Tsunade-himé.

The amazingly strong Tsunade-himé.

Get it, got it; good.

It wasn't something new to him—he never met a stronger woman than herself—but at a time like this, he admired her fortitude—and her perseverance. (And probably a million other things he will _not_ mention…)

"Almost home!" she called.

They were entering from the west side. It wasn't as quick, but it wasn't as direct, either. Jiraiya was happy at the change in scenery.

Finally, they stopped to walk. The entrance came into sight, and Jiraiya was happy again at the fact that somebody stupid was doing guard duty. (Usually the smart ones worked at night.)

"Oh my God! It's the saanin!"

Tsunade smiled at him nonetheless. "And one injured. Thanks for inquiring." They walked past.

"Oh my God! It was the saanin!" He said again, in joyous shock.

Tsunade and Jiraiya kept walking.

Truth was, Sakumo wasn't saanin.

What can you call someone who's more powerful than you?

Tsunade knew how to deal with Jiraiya: she bopped him on the head and called it good. But when she got her first mission with Sakumo, ever, and Jiraiya was with her, she couldn't help but answer: "Yes, Hatake-sama!"

Jiraiya ogled a look and laughed.

"That will not do," Sakumo spun around seriously.

Tsunade cowered in confusion. _"Huh?!"_

He smiled underneath his mask. "Just call me Sakumo."

And that's when she knew she always like him.

However, Tsunade was never able to shake off the '-san' from her speech. She never forgot he was that important—or that strong. That kind of strength that was always paired with the highest modesty.

_And now look at what was happening._

Jiraiya went right, Tsunade turned left. She stopped when she lost him. "Jiraiya, this way," she said.

"What? But the hospital's this way."

"We're not taking him there."

Jiraiya stared in disbelief. _"Why?!"_

Tsunade kept walking. "I don't know."

He caught up with her, not really in the mood for mind games. "What the _hell_ do you mean?!"

"You know exactly what I mean!" she snapped back.

Jiraiya grumbled something incoherent. "So, where _are_ we taking him?"

"Oh, gee, I thought we'd hide him alongside the road here," she said bitterly. "I've grown so accustomed to working in the dirt."

Jiraiya couldn't think of anything to say.

"We're taking him home," she said.

"…Home with us?"

"No—his home."

"Well…" he said slowly. "There wouldn't have been any room in my apartment."

"_There would be in mine,"_ she muttered lightly.

Jiraiya looked at her in a funny, half-jealous way. "You mean you aren't seeing anybody?"

"Don't hold your breath," she said.

He found a smile.

--◊--


	7. Chapter 7

**TotW -7**

**Author's Despair: **I cannot write chibi Kakashi. (And while I'm at it, I apologize for the slight AU-ness of Kakashi and Jiraiya...That's my style of doing them...with a good reason.)

-

-

* * *

Jiraiya liked going through windows, but Tsunade wouldn't allow it. She still looked at him expectantly. Jiraiya rolled his eyes, hunched over from the strain of Sakumo's weight all morning—even though the guy didn't weigh much. "I don't _have_ a key," Jiraiya said.

"Well I don't, either!"

_"Imagine that…"_ he mumbled.

"Well where would he keep a spare?"

"Check under the pot of flowers."

"But I don't see a—oh."

Sometimes it was just that obvious.

--◊--

Soon Tsunade set off to get some medical supplies; and Jiraiya refused to leave Sakumo's side, mainly because he was too tired to do otherwise, and mainly because he didn't want to leave, anyway. It was late afternoon and Jiraiya didn't know when Sakumo's little pip-squeak would come home. And he thought pip-squeak with good reason: Hatake Kakashi was the youngest and smallest chuunin he ever met.

The kid hadn't gotten the position just for being Sakumo's son—in addition to looks, Kakashi possessed all the (growing) intellect and clever-ness of his father. Just the thought of that kid conjured up the image of Sakumo in Jiraiya's mind. The village was in need of ninja—as always, it seemed; he remembered Sakumo used some very strong words with the third lord over that promotion.

For that reason, Jiraiya always laughed when his own handsome protégé talked with Sakumo—they always agreed on everything, it seemed. Both perspicuous in their own right—Jiraiya wondered how they were able to discuss anything_ that_ seriously.

Jiraiya sighed.

He was tired.

-

I wished it had been easier, instead of any longer.

--◊--

Tsunade left again before dusk, having done all she could. Jiraiya thanked her—mainly for Sakumo's sake. However—she didn't think it was necessary.

Jiraiya still didn't leave.

After all, he figured _somebody_ ought to be there to explain about his father. Jiraiya figured he would have liked the same courtesy. He knew he should head home, but come on, there had to be something in Sakumo's closet a size up, right?

He chuckled.

No, no…Jiraiya knew he had to go home for that and then pay a visit to dear sensei to know what the hell was going on. Although, Jiraiya figured sensei would like it better without colorful metaphors.

"Hi sensei."

"Hello Jiraiya; fine weather we're having."

"Yes—what the fuck gives?"

"…"

Jiraiya laughed softly at his conjured premonition. He wondered how much Tsunade had been able to gauge. Jiraiya straightened as he sensed a presence—call it a hunch; Kakashi was home.

_Tadaima_, they thought.

Kakashi dropped off his things at the front door and walked to his father's room. He'd wanted to run to the front door upon seeing the bedroom window open, but had resisted the urge.

And quite suddenly, he stopped as he thought he saw two of his father.

Jiraiya winced.

Kakashi went to his father's side and knelt, no doubt, wondering what had happened.

_And now look what was happening…_

Jiraiya cleared his throat. "Hello, Kakashi-kun."

"Jiraiya-sama," the boy said.

_Um, I bet you're wondering why your father's hurt and unconscious and why he was away so long…_ "Your father was...hurt—on a mission."

_Um, thanks Captain Obvious…_ "Thank you," he said.

Jiraiya rose and nodded.

He went out the window; feeling guilty.

Sakumo's form lay silent.

-

I wished I could have stood where you would've been proud—that won't happen now; that won't happen now.

'Cause there's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard  
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word, somehow…

I think I broke the wings off a little songbird,  
She's never gonna fly to the top of the world right now…

_Top of the World…_

--◊--


	8. Chapter 8

**TotW -8**

**Author's Note:** I knew Orochimaru would be useful in two ways. One of which I knew, and the second was only a vague idea. Both turned out ok. Either way, I felt he had to be in here, even if he only got to be a coat rack...lol.  
--Thank you so so much for sticking with this...I thank you muchly!!

-

-

* * *

"Oh—hello, Jiraiya; fine weather we're having."

At ten o'clock at night, Jiraiya wasn't here to play nice. "Sensei," he gritted, looking nice and spiffy in a clean uniform. "What happened to Hatake Sakumo?"

"Oh—yes; I saw you got back."

_"Sensei!"_ Jiraiya urged. "What happened with—"

Sandaime hokage lowered his voice even though it was just the two of them. "His mission failed. That's all I know."

Jiraiya rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Oh_ that's_—"

"Jiraiya, sit down."

Begrudgingly, he complied.

Sarutobi-sensei, the third hokage of Konoha, did not like an angry Jiraiya. His somewhat stranger student was still far too unpredictable for his own good. He saw Jiraiya pout. Sandaime sighed, "Jiraiya…this isn't…You can't fix this overnight."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means," he said in a matter-of-fact way, "You always try and take on too many things at once. I'm only trying to protect you."

Jiraiya leaned in. "Sorry, but I don't need your protection anymore, sensei," he said firmly. "I only want to know what happened to Sakumo."

Sandaime looked at him squarely. "I do not have the answer to that."

His former student rose up without warning. "Fine, thanks, bye, sensei." Jiraiya turned on his heel and walked out.

"Be careful," called Sarutobi-sensei; he guessed probably in vain.

--◊--

Orochimaru had a knack for breaking codes.

He grinned as he opened a door. "Ladies first," he cooed in a demonic sense.

"Thanks," He closed the door a little ways. She went straight for the filing cabinets, "Now just stand watch."

The other saanin watched in amusement. "Demanding, aren't we?" She said nothing, He kept a lookout. "It's funny, Tsunade-himé, I didn't think you were serious," Tsunade was too busy finding the file. "You could get into trouble for this," he said.

"I don't mind," she said nonchalantly.

This intrigued him. "Why? What for?"

"For a man."

"A man?" Orochimaru wasn't interested in her personal life, but given Tsunade's measures, he was compelled to ask, "Who?"

"Sakumo-san—" She winced after realizing what she'd said. Tsunade ignored it and flipped through the pages of this file she'd found.

"Sakumo? I heard he was dead."

"…You were miss-informed."

Orochimaru looked at her quizzically, "But—"

"—Apparently he did die," She couldn't believe what she saw scribbled. "Twelve days ago..."

"What a busy man," he mused.

Tsunade glared. "Goddammit...I was right."

--◊--

It was so late that night, she gave up on the hope of finding Jiraiya. Tsunade retreated back to her apartment after her venture that flirted with trouble. She was tired, and hoped Jiraiya had done the same…

"Argh!" he collapsed.

The river floated by indifferently; the moon was high over the bridge.

Jiraiya knew Sakumo wouldn't have liked him getting this worked up for his sake. But, quite simply, Jiraiya didn't care. He didn't like not knowing anything, and most of all, he didn't like conspiracies. So while Tsunade had been discreet in her finding, Jiraiya had only yelled at his sensei like a raving lunatic…

Some good that was.

Jiraiya closed his eyes and sighed.

Orochimaru had a quirk not to leave questions unanswered. So, he watched Jiraiya sit there—rather dejectedly if he didn't know any better. Was it really all that trouble for that…Hatake Sakumo? What a strange occurrence. "Hello, Jiraiya," Orochimaru approached him.

Jiraiya's eyes shot open. "Orochimaru!" He stood and tried _not_ to look as surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"It seems people have been restless tonight."

"Oh—can't tuck yourself in, Orochimaru?"

He smiled politely. "Actually, I was referring to you and Tsunade."

Jiraiya said nothing.

"Tsunade seemed willing to confide in me."

"She's too nice," Jiraiya muttered.

"…The subject of Sakumo?"

Jiraiya looked at him. "What about him?"

Orochimaru gazed at the water. "It's a funny thing—she broke into Homaru-san's private office a few hours ago—in which time I took the liberty to find you. I suppose it's lucky that fowl moods leave a trail."

Jiraiya couldn't believe it. "That…that _sneak!"_

This made Orochimaru laugh—in such a way it's kinda creepy.

"So?" Jiraiya pursued. "What did she find?"

"No—unless you tell me what you know."

"I don't know anything—I really don't."

Orochimaru only looked at him.

Jiraiya looked away. "I had to carry Sakumo home—that's all _I_ know."

Orochimaru knew when Jiraiya was telling the truth—this was one of those times. He sighed. "All right…It's not like I have a vested interest in a dead man, anyway."

Jiraiya looked on in confusion—a trademark expression these days.

Orochimaru spoke lowly, nonetheless. "Hatake Sakumo's file indicated that he died over twelve days ago."

Jiraiya looked on in complete shock.

Orochimaru studied him, rarely seeing that amusing look.

"Goddammit…" Jiraiya slouched. "She was right."

Orochimaru cocked his head. "Well that's funny. Tsunade-himé can't predict simple chance, but she can predict homicides…?" He laughed, but Jiraiya was already leaving. "Perhaps…was it something I said?" Orochimaru grinned at the retreating form.

--◊--


	9. Chapter 9

**TotW -9**

**Author's Note: **Wow--short; forgive me! (And yay for Minato! There will be more of him.)

**-**

**-**

* * *

It was still dizzy up on top of the world.

Sakumo didn't like it.

He'd give anything to be back home right now. He imagined his son was getting tired of running the house by himself. Sakumo knew he'd never left him alone this long before. It felt like years had passed—and maybe they had. His son wasn't all that 'little' anymore. He was a chuunin for Christ's sake! By God Yoshiko would fume at him right now—so Sakumo had taken the habit of fuming at himself. He'd secretly tried to get the promotion canceled, but there hadn't been much he could do…

Namikaze Minato spat out his water. "Your son is _what?!"_

"A chuunin," he replied glumly.

"Holy bi—" But Minato didn't know how to swear properly. "That's—that is terrible."

"He's too young," they both said in unison.

Jiraiya turned around, red in the face. "Don't make me come over there and hurt you two."

"Hurt us?" Minato asked.

"With what," said Sakumo. "Your club?"

But Sakumo didn't really remember anything after that point—and if Minato knew what was good for him, he didn't either.

But it was still dizzy up on the top of the world.

And Sakumo didn't like it.

--◊--

Knowing his father wouldn't like it if he came up with a less than respectable excuse for missing his work, Kakashi finished the final workday in no less than a rush. Reversely probably not the most effectual thing to do, but no one seemed to notice.

He came back that afternoon to an empty house, save for his father lying on the floor, unchanged from his condition. So, Kakashi sat there and waited.

--◊--

Jiraiya had not (at all) the perspicuous air of his brother.

"Jiraiya," said his sensei that day. "I don't quite understand…"

Jiraiya flustered. "But sensei—!"

"But what? Did I not make myself clear last night? If you start asking anymore questions, you could find yourself in a position where I can't vouch for you."

_"I'm not asking you for your protection, sensei! I asked you—"_

"I know what you asked me," he said calmly, for both their sakes'. "Sakumo's mission was classified information only he and a few council members possessed. Even—even his own team was in ignorance."

"Ah-ha!" Jiraiya exclaimed, as if a scientist in his laboratory. "I heard they disobeyed a direct—"

"What you heard, Jiraiya, may or may _not_ be true."

Jiraiya couldn't take it anymore. "So, what?!" He flung his arms in exasperation. "Was Tsunade-chan lying to me when she said she was the only one told about the evacuation order?!"

The Sarutobi blinked. "Evacuation order?"

Jiraiya stopped moving. "The one we got after we brought Sakumo to the medical station—the one that's on the border by Rice country," he added slowly. His sensei was still confused. Jiraiya folded his arms, "The advance of Kumo ninja."

Slowly, Sandaime shook his head. "No…There was no such advance…"

Jiraiya's face might as well have been described as bright red. "Wh…_what?!"_

He stormed out before his sensei could say anything.

--◊--


	10. Chapter 10

**TotW -10**

**Author's Note: **Shiro and shiroi both mean white...so I guess I kinda used them interchangeably here. Some flashbacks, a 'd.t.a.' law, and I have Tahle to thank with lots of hugs for helping me through this.

-

-

* * *

Kakashi knew the blade was missing.

It was definitely a bad sign that the shiro kiba did not return. No matter what had ever occurred, his father always had the blade on his back behind him when he trudged inside. The blade wasn't something to be 'lost'. Not figuratively; not ever.

Come to think—it wasn't even something Tsunade-himé would bet on…"Knock-knock." she said.

"Tsunade-himé," he bowed his head.

_What a clever little boy…_

The sun was close to setting, and the Lady Tsunade always admired the fact that it always looked better over the wheat field Sakumo refused to tame. Funny, it probably correlated to his personality. Always stubborn, always unyielding, always…She blushed the thought away, "Has there been any change in his condition?"

"No ma'am," he said.

She wanted to laugh. It was perfectly reasonable, but still. She was probably never that respectful as a child—she grew up _respected_. Tsunade smiled lightly as she attended to her patient; his son watched her work.

--◊--

_"Jiraiya-baka…"_ She sang sweetly, looking intently among the crowd.

The young boy scratched his head after she'd bopped him minutes before. "What?" he growled, eyeing her closely. "Did you miss my brain or something?"

"Well it_ is_ pretty small," she stopped and stood on tip-toes.

"Tsunade-chan, _who_ are looking for?"

"The guy you're always with now—I thought I saw him."

"What?! You saw—"

"Ah-ha!" She pointed childishly. "Almost got you!" Tsunade declared. "So who is he?"

"What's it to you?" he grumbled.

"I think he's cute."

Jiraiya stared in disbelief. "You think he's _cute?!_"

"Why, is he your twin or something?"

"My…_twin?_!" he gasped. Jiraiya stomped furiously in the face of such an accusation: "I never saw him before in my _life!_"

Tsunade grinned at his jealousy.

As a kid, she always knew Sakumo had a mysterious air about him. Being older, and even a little wiser, she still thought Sakumo was handsome. She always found she pissed off Jiraiya when she said that, so behind everyone's backs, she'd teased him in that way. When she came to know Sakumo, he thought it was funny too—at least until the morning he woke up to find his hair was green.

Tsunade had had no immediate medical remedy for that.

Jiraiya, of course, thought it was too funny anyway.

Jiraiya…Hatake.

--◊--

Hatake Jiraiya had a last name to prove—

"No," said Sakumo.

They were alone and teenagers—the two usually went hand in hand.

"What?" Jiraiya asked, confused.

"I'm serious—this is a d.t.a. law from now on."

"D….t. a.?"

"Don't. Tell. Anyone."

"But why?"

"I think it's important you stay unaffiliated, Jiraiya."

"I'm still not seeing your point."

"Think about it," said Sakumo. "Right now, you have no liabilities. Being this way, you have the greatest freedom," Sakumo looked at him. "Every clan that's come this far has their own past nailed to them like a list of theses. As far as anyone else is concerned, you have no specific ties—therefore it makes you without prejudice or preconception—or any obligation."

"…" Jiraiya stared in awe. "Just by being a bastard son?"

"Jiraiya you are _not_ a bastard son—_I_ am."

"But…ok, it sounds nice and all…but does that mean I stop being your little brother?"

Sakumo smiled. "Never."

_…their own past nailed to them like a list of theses._

Jiraiya glared.

He had a last name to prove.

--◊--

Hatake Sakumo would have bet good money he looked awesome as he slowly opened his eyes.

_"Otou!"_ Kakashi blurted.

Tsunade stopped putting away her instruments. "_Sakumo?!"_

He looked around and blinked.

She took his pulse from his wrist.

Kakashi looked at her.

"Been getting stronger today!" she beamed.

Sakumo didn't really feel like it, but didn't argue otherwise. He looked at her, and then at his son who smiled.

_Tadaima_, they thought.

--◊--


	11. Chapter 11

**TotW -11**

**Author's Note: **Poor Jiraiya...

**-**

**-**

* * *

The next day Sakumo woke up in the morning, actually before his son next to him did. He sat upright, which was a bad idea again. The stitches stayed in place, but as he leaned back on the cabinet; he couldn't shake that dizzy feeling. He really wished he hadn't woken up his son's sleeping form—he didn't really want him to see his father this way.

"Otou," Sakumo heard him murmur.

"Kakashi," he smiled. Sakumo didn't know what else he could say.

"Do you need anything?"

"No."

"Oh!" He seemed to remember. "Tsunade-himé said I should check your temperature."

_Oh really…_Sakumo lowered his head. He felt a small hand under his un-cut bangs.

"Mm…not as warm as yesterday."

"That's good," said Sakumo, hiding the pain of talking. It must have worked because Kakashi then asked, "Otou…where's the blade?"

Sakumo's eyes widened.

_"Chikusho!!"_ He cursed.

_Wrong question…_Kakashi feared.

--◊--

Tsunade came over later that morning, dis-pleased with Sakumo's need to sit upright. She listened as he talked about his missing blade. "Please," he said. "Just ask Jiraiya to come by."

"He's already in a fowl—no, no…" Tsunade knew Kakashi had to have been accustomed to all sorts of dirty cuss words by now. "He's pissed."

"Dammit…" Sakumo murmured.

"Jiraiya's already started poking at the elders."

Sakumo glared at the floor.

Tsunade looked down as well. "I swear he's just as immature as ever."

"Jiraiya—" Sakumo paused in pain. "Is no fool; please—just find him," he said. "I'll tell him."

Tsunade nodded and gathered her medical bag. Before she left the room, she eyed Kakashi. "Make sure your father sleeps today—by any means necessary."

Kakashi half-smiled. "Yes ma'am."

She smiled and left.

Sakumo sighed. He closed his eyes and stiffened at the hell-hole of pain circling his stomach. He didn't like what she said, but it was true, regardless. The dizzy feeling just wouldn't go away.

_"Otou…"_ came a murmur.

_Yeah, yeah…_

Sakumo slept until Jiraiya came a few hours later.

--◊--

It was a beautiful day outside, so why not enjoy it?

Sakumo was sitting up (fairly) straight again. "You heard me," he said. "This is a private conversation."

"But—"

"No 'buts' Kakashi, go outside."

Reluctantly, the young boy left.

Sakumo gathered himself for all he had to say.

"He's certainly growing up," Jiraiya remarked, also seated.

"Too fast," Sakumo gritted, trying to sit and lean back a little straighter.

"Whoa, take it easy Saku—"

_"I don't need your help!"_ he snapped.

Jiraiya blinked and instantly retreated.

"Sorry…" said Sakumo, coming to a new lean against the wooden cabinet. "I'm sorry."

"I don't blame you…" said Jiraiya, watching him. "I've never…Well—you've never…" Jiraiya shook his head of the stammering. "It's never been this bad before."

_Tell me about it…_ "Jiraiya," Sakumo focused on breathing and talking. "Listen carefully; I'm only gonna talk once."

"I'm listening," he said, suddenly feeling anxious.

"You are _not…not_ to get involved with this."

Jiraiya blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Do _not_ talk to the elders," he said. Sakumo stopped looking at Jiraiya. He looked at the floor, instead. _Breathe and talk, breathe and talk; that's all…_"Do _not_ talk to anyone—anyone a part of that mission," he breathed. "Do _not_ defend me."

Jiraiya's eyes had widened beyond the point of expansion. It was like some bad nightmare he kept waking up to. Was this even Sakumo? Jiraiya's voice was a mere whisper in disillusionment. _"…Why?!"_

"D'you…you remember when you wanted…wanted to be known as…Hatake Jiraiya?"

Jiraiya only looked at him in star-eyed wonder; it seemed it hurt for him to speak too.

"Same reasons."

Jiraiya stared. After a while, he found a small fraction of his voice: "Not good enough."

Sakumo grimaced in the uneasy feeling; without his mask, it was too plain to see. "It will have to be," he said.

"No…" Jiraiya shook his head, trying not to feel anything. "I can't let them—"

"You will."

"I refuse."

"You. _Will_," said Sakumo, as forceful and low as he could get. "Jiraiya, please stay out of it, no—No matter what."

His younger brother stared.

The room wouldn't stop spinning. "Jiraiya…I—I only ask of you…just one thing."

"Anything," he said. It was a fact and not a statement.

"Find the blade for me, please."

Jiraiya leaned in. "Where might it be?"

Kakashi couldn't hear.

"All right," Jiraiya stood. "I will do it immediately."

Sakumo wanted to laugh, but it came out as a cough and a grin. "Wow…thanks," it was all he could say.

"Rest, Sakumo—we'll talk later."

_Looking forward to that…_

Jiraiya went out the window and stumbled over something that looked like Sakumo. Kakashi suppressed any noise and rubbed his head. Jiraiya looked dumbfounded, but said nothing and went on his way.

When Kakashi returned to his father's room, he saw that he was already asleep.

--◊--


	12. Chapter 12

**TotW -12**

**Author's Note: **Wow...please bear with this--a flash-backing chapter. (...and 'otouto' means little brother.)

**-**

**-**

* * *

_"Sakumo you bastard, I fucking hate you."_

"…Um…do I get a reason for this astonishing, yet truthful claim?"

Jiraiya suddenly turned and grabbed him by the collar—Sakumo let him. He looked as angry as he could get. Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "You're getting married."

Sakumo blinked. "Yeah…"

Jiraiya released his grip, still with an angriness of a beaver. "When were you gonna tell me? On your golden anniversary?!"

Sakumo looked at him askance.

He broke the 'rules'.

The 'rules' being in this case, purely relative in the most metaphoric sense.

Jiraiya was genuinely angry with Sakumo, no joke at all. The fact that his otouto had been increasingly confrontational ever since he even _met_ her was kind of a big, dumb clue for him. Just because Sakumo was the most content guy in the world right now, Jiraiya felt the need to taboo him or something and make him stay single (and drunk) forever. He figured Jiraiya didn't like sharing a brother; after all, the two of them were always together—who was Sakumo to go and abandon that? Well, in short, he wasn't about to. "Jiraiya…I think you're jealous and overreacting. I'm not going anywhere, you know."

"Well you've been spending an awful lot of time with…_her_."

Sakumo wanted to laugh. "I imagine that's a little important though considering she's going to be my wife…"

Jiraiya kept his glare. "Tsunade seems sad."

"Jiraiya, you know she loves you."

He held up his arm that showed a large bruise. "Does_ this_ look like love?!"

Sakumo shrugged. "Send her flowers."

Jiraiya glowered. "She eats them."

"You don't know that."

He turned away. Then, he looked at Sakumo: "I. Hate you." Jiraiya walked away from him.

"Seriously! I'm not leaving!" Sakumo called; probably in vain.

_Sakumo you bastard, I fucking hated you._

Jiraiya wanted to cry.

He didn't attend the wedding (not even as witness, so Yoshiko asked a friend—a complete crying affair between all two members in the first row of the pew—the other being her mother; God what a funny day), and Sakumo never left Jiraiya.

Slowly, his otouto came around to their little family; maybe it'd been the equally funny and awkward day he self-lessly helped her to the hospital one day in September—as a result she softly accepted the name he'd afore suggested to them that had sounded absolutely hideous at the (potentially drunken) time. Oh, sure, she let Sakumo go to bars at the most inconvenient times…

"Jiraiya!" said Sakumo, surprised that he'd taken a seat next to him.

"Yo," he said. "Some fine weather we're having."

"Yeah—sure," said Sakumo.

"Look," said Jiraiya. "I'm sorry."

"Look?" grinned Sakumo beneath his mask, taking his brother for his word. "Well I don't _see_ a sorry…"

Jiraiya's face flushed. "I'm_ sorry_."

Sakumo looked at him. "Apology long since accepted."

Jiraiya lightened.

"You apologized to me last week, don't you remember?"

_"…Huh?"_

"Ah—too drunk to remember; 'happens to the best of us."

Jiraiya smiled. "Thanks."

"Tondemondai."

…

"So…" said Jiraiya after a while. "Have a name yet?"

Sakumo sighed over the past month of discussions. "She wants to name him Kenshin, and I have nothing."

"Not true,"

Jiraiya and Sakumo looked behind them—suddenly Sakumo moved the sake beneath him out of the way innocently. Jiraiya couldn't help but stare; she was very pregnant. "You did suggest Kuwa," she smiled. "Or shouldn't I remind you of that?"

Jiraiya's sudden snicker exploded into laughter. _Kuwa…! _When he got slightly dead-panned, he composed himself and looked down at a curious shot of sake that hadn't been beneath him ten seconds ago.

Yoshiko smiled as if the static past year hadn't happened. "Jiraiya-san…what would you suggest?"

He blinked bashfully as they both looked at him. "Well…" he thought. "Kuwa…" he smiled, musing. _Kuwa…kuwa…ka…Kama…Kama… _"Kakashi!"

Yoshiko gasped in shock.

Sakumo gasped in ecstasy. _"That's PERFECT!"_ he grinned.

--◊--


	13. Chapter 13

**TotW -13**

**Author's Note: **Honest to God, I had no idea I'd write this much for Sakumo...and Tsunade. I guess I always thought it was an odd pairing, but here it was a little necessary.

**-**

**-**

* * *

"Kakashi…" Sakumo acknowledged the next morning. He wanted to get up and walk and run and fly and most of all, wanted to face what had happened. The unyielding pain told him otherwise.

Kakashi needed to get back his routine.

Sakumo looked up at him—already dressed, his mask in it's own little cuff about his neck. Probably looked awesome like his father. Slowly, Sakumo sat up on his own. He'd do that much—even if it killed him. He looked on with as much sight as looking through a closed curtain. "Kakashi," he said again, probably unaware he'd said it before. "You have duty—attend to it."

"Are you sure you—"

"Yes," he said.

That was that.

--◊--

But there was a little problem…

--◊--

To be honest, Sakumo didn't expect to see Tsunade that morning, but she came nonetheless. "Knock-knock," she said, seeing Sakumo sitting there.

"I…thought I told Kakashi to move those keys," he said lightly.

She smiled, walking in. "I love wildflowers."

He looked at her, watching her unpack her bag.

Tsunade held up a small pair of scissors and gave them a playful snip.

Sakumo's ear's twinged. "Uh-oh…" he said.

She smiled. "Relax—they're not for your stitches."

"…Then what are they for?"

She looked at his hair. "Just relax!"

"You're waving a pair of scissors at me!" he said.

Tsunade moved closer to him. "It's your hair."

"My…hair?" Sakumo was looking at her through a mess of bangs that had grown to his nose.

"Yes, but first…" She reached back and grabbed a comb.

"Oh God…" he muttered glumly.

She smiled as she set to work.

--◊--

"Ah—ah—" he said.

"What?!"

"No touching my ponytail."

"Sakumo-san it's a mess—and it's so long."

"No cutting."

"Brushing?"

"Well…" he considered. "Only if you do it."

She laughed. "I don't see anyone else here…" Tsunade tried dislodging the tie, but to Sakumo's 'ow ow ow', she cut it with the scissors.

"Ow!" Sakumo still said.

"Well it's a tangled mess," she said, having to separate it with her fingers.

"It's always _me_ who has to deal with it," he lowered his head, more or less just to fidget under the snarls.

"Why don't you cut it?"

"Then technically…" he said, wincing as she pulled his hair and with it his head. "Jiraiya will cut_ his_, too."

"Oh, so whatever one does, the other does too?"

Sakumo shut his eyes from the pain radiating through his limbs. "No, he just copies me," he said as unphased as he could.

"Copies you?"

"Yeah—like a Sharingan or something."

"Well I hope he doesn't have your grooming habits," she said.

Sakumo didn't say anything—he had something else on his mind.

Even as skilled as she was in de-tangling her own hair, it still took a while. Her hands were growing numb—"There," she said. "Have a tie?"

"Oh—I thought I'd get one of your pink ones."

She grinned. "Nope, only the dangerous instruments."

"Up on top—there should be one lying around."

She rose and looked. "Oh—ok, I see one." Tsunade knelt back down and tied it around the straightened silver hair.

When she finished, Sakumo decided to ask her. "Tsunade-himé…"

"Hm?" She moved to sit beside him; she had a feeling she wasn't going to like anything he'd say. At least he didn't look like a sheep dog anymore.

"This pain…" he kept his head and stare low. "It's never going to go away, is it?"

Tsunade looked away. Slowly, she had the strength to shake her head in the negative. _I'm so sorry…_she thought.

"'Didn't think so," he said. "Thank you."

"Sakumo-san—" She paused. "I had not idea you'd come this far; it's not over—"

_Yeah, yeah…_He smiled at her through the fire that was burning under his skin. "And it's still Sakumo…if you don't mind."

Hatake Sakumo was still the strongest guy she knew.

--◊--

Hatake Kakashi had a little problem.

No one had a mission for him.

--◊--


	14. Chapter 14

**TotW -14**

**Author's Note: **I know, I know, I should have combined these next two chapters...(Oh, and yay for Minato... :)

**-**

**-**

* * *

Jiraiya found his student sleeping under a tree.

"BOOGAH-BOOGAH!!"

"HOLY WHAT?!"

Minato's heart finally returned from the brief moment it left his chest. "Jiraiya-sensei!" he acknowledged. "What the tree!" He asked disjointedly.

"It's 'what the hell', Minato."

"I know I know…" he said. "I just didn't _really_ want to swear at you…" He said apologetically. "I've been getting so much work I—"

"Yeah, yeah," Jiraiya waved. "I have a job for you."

The student's eyes were T's awaiting trouble. "Is it official?"

"No."

He mentally twirled in despair.

"But you'll be helping Sakumo."

"…Oh. Well—ok," Minato agreed. "What do I have to do?"

"Sing Gilbert and Sullivan."

"Ok—wait, how does that help—?!"

Jiraiya started dragging his student along. "You're right, let's go."

Minato rolled his eyes and walked alongside on his own.

--◊--

When the two were passing the small villa of bath houses, the young Minato was beginning to lose hope. "Sensei," he said quietly. "I assume you have a plan."

"Of course," said Jiraiya, looking around.

"Something…that doesn't have to do with women."

"Actually, it does."

"What? But I can't—"

"Look! There she is!" Jiraiya pointed.

"Who?" Predictably, all Minato saw was a pretty young woman.

"That one," he declared.

"That one?" said Minato, referring to the young woman.

"That one." said Jiraiya, referring to the older woman behind her.

"I still don't see how this helps—"

"Now, I want you to go over to her, and distract her—strike up some conversation or something."

Minato blinked. "Like _what?!"_

"Well…everyone likes the weather."

"Well…" he shrugged. "If it's for Sakumo." Minato nodded and walked up to the young woman.

_Good,_ thought Jiraiya. _Very good…oh shit, what the hell is he doing?!_ Jiraiya tried waving as indiscreetly as possible, but to no avail—the woman was practically entranced with such a handsome young man.

The lady Koharu—chief counsel member with the leaf ninja remarked young love in action—even though the guy hadn't looked too thrilled. It was then she looked past and thought she saw his sensei…

--◊--

"…Jiraiya?"

"Look, my student was dumb enough to engage the wrong woman—just do this for me…" he struggled with the word. "Please."

Orochimaru smirked.

**--**◊--


	15. Chapter 15

**TotW -15**

**Author's Note:** Wow. I'm sorry this is so short again...  
(The next chapter...oh you know there's a confrontation in store between Sakumo and Jiraiya...lol.)

**-**

**-**

* * *

Orochimaru was sort of like the creepy guy you see everywhere; it didn't surprise Jiraiya that he happened to see him, what surprised him was that Orochimaru agreed to keep a lookout.

Breaking into a chief counselor's office was serious trouble.

But…the only thing that infuriated Jiraiya to infinite ends was that Sakumo had guessed the blade had been confiscated here.

Orochimaru was outside the room a ways, as to not attract attention. In the hallway, he just stood there and feigned boredom amidst the sea of intrigue.

_Where the hell is it?!_ Jiraiya searched, rather frantically.

_Hatake Sakumo, hm…?_ mused Orochimaru. Lost in thought, it was no wonder he didn't see Lady Koharu coming.

Now, Minato wasn't exactly attracted to Trouble, but he started getting into the habit of saving the day whenever it was around. "Lady Koharu!" he called. The darker saanin looked up and shamefully saw his job had been henceforth taken from him. He slipped away quietly: _Oh well…_

"Fine weather we're having!" announced Minato. "I saw you and if you'll pardon me, I have a couple questions for you…"

_Where the hell is it?!_

Jiraiya searched frantically.

--◊--

Minato hoped half an hour was an adequate diversion. He knew she was going back to her office, and he knew he had to report back to the mission's office. _What fun…_

But as the yellow-haired young man entered the building and sauntered down the hall, he saw a curious mop of silver color hair sitting on a bench with, apparently, nothing to do.

--◊--

When Jiraiya walked into Sakumo's room that afternoon, it was the first thing he noticed: someone, probably Tsunade, cut those damn bangs of his. Jiraiya laid the shiro kiba beside his sleeping form. He smiled as he remembered he'd switched out the item under wraps with a kunai. Jiraiya frowned as he still knew next to nothing. Sakumo never abandoned him, but he never disavowed him anything, either. Well maybe he'll come back later.

--◊--

After a whole afternoon with Minato-sensei, Kakashi was not in the greatest mood.

Minato-sensei always came off on him as naïve, lost (but hopeful), and too happy. Kakashi didn't know anyone else that…bounding. _Still, it was Minato-sensei who gave you something to do..._ The young ninja would have been more grateful if only the rain cloud of doubt wasn't still hanging over his head from yesterday.

_Hatake…Jiraiya? And, "don't get involved in this"?_

Hatake Kakashi was feeling the effects.

--◊--


	16. Chapter 16

**TotW -16**

**Author's Bewilderment: **I wrote a line of conversation in here that left me gaping. It was during the night (lol, naturally), and I sat back and looked at it for a while, and suddenly I felt so bad for doing this to Sakumo.

**-**

**-**

* * *

He'd woken up to see the blade was back and bare; glinting up beside him with the last rays of warm, smiling sun.

To anyone else outside the bloodline, a chakra blade cannot be handled. Unclothed and un-underwraps, the residual chakra within the blade singes any other hands that touch it. Sakumo supposed he didn't mean it to be that way, but he certainly didn't mind it. Any fool dumb enough to try and steal it was in for a nasty surprise.

That night, as he looked in his son's suspicious eyes, Sakumo knew he would need it one day.

--◊--

That night, Jiraiya came back to find Sakumo alone.

The moonlight streamed in upon the two men and the uneasy air. Sakumo didn't believe in a bad moon, but he'd bet it was frowning down on that air of uncertainty, that air of problems, of the pain that called to him on a first-name basis—of a concerned otouto who wouldn't leave him alone...or leave it be.

Jiraiya waved off the thank you and leaned in. "Now, you tell me everything."

Normally, all Sakumo's smiles were hidden, yet as he sat there maskless, it was evident he was slightly amused. "Is that the deal?"

"Yes Sakumo, that's the deal."

"Well…" thought Sakumo, trying to ignore the pain as best he could. "I'd tell you if my son weren't listening."

At first, Jiraiya was surprised at Sakumo's continued sense of perception. But, he shrugged. "It concerns him too, doesn't it—"

"No. It doesn't," he said firmly. "Kakashi!" he called.

_Oh crap…_Coming from the corner, he looked inside the door frame. He couldn't help but agree with Jiraiya-sama—a man possibly an uncle he didn't know he had.

"Kakashi, please go. This is a private conversation."

Curtly, he nodded and left. Kakashi went to his room—and before Jiraiya came, he'd opened his own window. So, the boy snuck outside. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but what about a scarecrow…?

Jiraiya looked at his brother expectantly.

His brother chose to stare at the floor. "Maybe…maybe I was reckless." he finally said.

"You're never reckless," said Jiraiya.

Suddenly, Sakumo smiled. "You know…the only problem with this is…Is if I tell you anything, you're gonna want to get involved," Jiraiya refrained from saying anything, so Sakumo ruefully continued. "I, um…" _Start at the beginning…and use small words...And just breathe._ "The mission failed."

"You always have your reasons."

_Yeah, yeah…_ "And the truth is…Is, um, I don't remember."

Jiraiya looked at him quizzically.

"Amnesia."

Jiraiya scoffed. "Oh fuck that—Sakumo, I ought to know—"

"That's all I'm saying."

"But—!" Sakumo's dulled look offered no further explanation. "You can't do this to me," Jiraiya clenched his fists in frustration. "Your mission failed; so what?! But since when did that involve covering up what happened? You wanna know what? Tsunade broke into Homura's office and read your file, and according to that garbage you died fifteen days ago! So excuse me when a failed mission looks like...a…like a…" he stammered. "…assassination attempt!"

Sakumo averted his gaze.

Jiraiya, disconcert, was teetering on the edge of crying in confusion and moving a mountain in rage. His face was hot with emotion. "Why are you…Why have you been so…distant? Why aren't you doing _anything?!"_

Sakumo shot a glance and eyed him with the same steel intent that carried him through so many battles prior. "Goddammit Jiraiya—I don't know what Tsunade has been telling you—but I was _broken."_

Putting special emphasis on broken.

It was one of those rare times neither of the two knew what they had said. What made it worse, was that it was all true.

Jiraiya saw the yards of bloodstained tape, the bruises strew everywhere, the scrapes, the bones that fractured, the gashes…but where was his pride? Did Sakumo leave it back there in the neutral zone? To hell with pride, where was Sakumo?

"Sakumo…" said Jiraiya quietly. "You've never…been…"

"We have the moments, Jiraiya." he said slowly.

Jiraiya looked down. "But…did…did they really want to kill you?"

"Who, my captors—or Konoha?"

He shrugged.

Sakumo looked aside—his gaze finally drifted downward. "When a person is perceived to be too powerful—" He suddenly realized what Jiraiya asked. Sakumo hadn't been about to answer. He shook his head. "I won't answer that."

Jiraiya fidgeted. "Sakumo—"

"Go—please, just go," he said. "And try not to attract attention—not for my sake."

Jiraiya left without another word out the window. Where was Sakumo. He wanted the answer to that more than ever. But, once again, he seemed to trip over something on his way out.

Sakumo sat there for as long as the pain allowed. _I terminated that mission._ It played in his mind many times over since the moment he was conscious. _They were my teammates, and I needed to protect them. So yeah, baka, maybe it _was_ reckless to walk into a trap set by your own men,_ he jeered himself. _Still had a nice floor though_…he smiled bitterly. After all he'd done, after all that happened, there were still a couple more people Sakumo knew he had to protect. He knew the derision and shame would be too much for them to bear. Ridicule like that would be starting from the highest tiers of his superiors; the elders, Danzou, the rest of the council…All the result of his indecency of failing to die.

Sakumo smiled.

Well how dare he.

--◊--

_And now we wait._

Suddenly, one of the Kumo ninja drew a kunai and positioned it in front of the jounin's throat. "Hey!" came his reply. "What are you doing?!"

"You tell me, Konoha," he grinned.

"This wasn't part of the plan!"

"You're right—better hope he comes."

--◊--


	17. Chapter 17

**TotW -17**

**Author's Note: **Sakumo and flashbacks, mainly.

**-**

**-**

* * *

_Chikusho!_ He remembered thinking.

They were on his position like wolves.

After Sakumo was able to distance his team from the enemy ninja by way of a distraction, he threw a kunai to one of them, but the shinobi caught it and threw it back.

He dodged, and the battlefield stopped.

_…What?_

Sakumo watched as the Konoha ninja he saved stepped back and refuse to engage. They, perhaps, looked as eager as the others. It was then the other ninja came out of hiding.

_…That was a fuck load of ninja,_ he remembered thinking. _Six squads, at the least…_

Six squads…including his own.

Things got a little fuzzy after that point, but he remembered fighting for his life, of all things.

--◊--

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was how expertly polished the floor was. The second thing he noticed was the wooden chair, the lone light, and finally the man in between both. He held a blade, the hilt wrapped in cloth which he promptly dangled idly. "Hello," he said. "And welcome to your judgment day."

Now, the man probably believed it to be random, but it was only the first thing that came to Sakumo's mind, "Don't worry, I've heard worse." After countless captures, he really had.

The man laughed, nonetheless. "Well!" he proclaimed. "You really are all they've said you to be."

Sakumo felt his mask sticking to his face by sweat—they may not have been able to get it off-but regardless, it hid some of the confusion of waking up and not half-understanding what the hell had transpired. They'd taken him as he was—minus the weapons (possibly the first casualty of any POW). His arms were the only things chained (literally) to the wall, wrapping to his elbows. It was probably the most effective was to prevent any hands signs. "Oh really," said Sakumo, the only thing his gaze fixed on being the blade.

"Mm," the man agreed. "Hatake Sakumo," he stated. "Konoha no Shiroi Kiba."

"I suppose now that you know who I am," eyed Sakumo. "You can proceed with my judgment."

He chuckled. "No, no…that bit comes later. Professionally, and personally, I'd like to know you first."

_Stages…ugh…_ "Am I permitted to ask questions myself?"

The man smiled. "Of course," he stopped moving the blade. "By all means."

"Do you use floor polish on this?"

After a moment, the man grinned.

--◊--

Things got a little fuzzy after that point, but he still feels the agony far too well.

--◊--

_I'm gonna stand,_ he thought.

His room was on the west side—unable to get view of the sunrise. But it was there, nonetheless, smiling in a soft yellow light. Upon hearing Kakashi's unadmitting predicament the other evening, Sakumo suggested he stick with the "idiot" Minato-sensei. Personally, he thought Jiraiya's protégé was a very capable young man…

_Damn, why does vertical still mean vertigo?_

He supposed it was only lucky that no one was here to dissuade him.

--◊--


	18. Chapter 18

**TotW -18**

**Author's Note:** The song continues, and with it, the downward spiral towards the end.

**-**

**-**

* * *

Persuasion was something elusive at the impromptu briefings held by hokage. This one was such that Tsunade was curious as to why it was even held. She supposed, though, a lack of information can kill. And for that reason, the invitation was open to all chuunin and higher ranking. Though, of course, those that came were in far lesser number. It was in a vacant classroom at the academy since there was no specific place yet to be formed. Tsunade listened to her sensei say only what he had to—perhaps he didn't have to mention it was the result of Sakumo's fault; as everyone already graciously found out. Tsunade didn't like it.

The lady Koharu was the only counselor present, looking on with her own indignance on the assumed failures of others. The only trouble was, supposed Tsunade, was that they believed all their lies. _They have to,_ she thought, _if they want to cover up their damned conspiracy…_Why else go to all the trouble of shunning a good man.

Tsunade didn't like it.

"…And I ask all of you to avoid that area—be sure to inform your teammates. We will be formulating a course of action, so," Sandaime hokage nodded, "Until then."

Tsunade surprised everyone by being the first one from her chair. She probably huffed and puffed a cursing glare from her own indignance, but she didn't care. Like Jiraiya, she was equally frustrated with the way things had come. Koharu was second behind her, but Tsunade stopped her march just outside the door. She stared in sudden shock as if the sun had risen a second time.

"Yo," he said, very quietly.

Koharu was intrigued, but as Tsunade finally moved away a few steps, the lady Koharu stared in shock as well.

Sakumo had a natural ability to stand proud.

The wide-eyed, dark-haired counselor slowly stammered away from such a sight. Tsunade was standing too still to begin to wonder what it'd done to her precious ego. In fact, Tsunade hardly heard her walk away in the short and frantic steps.

Sakumo received a look from every single one that filed out while Tsunade-himé stood there, holding her breath in awe.

Being the last one out, Sandaime hokage finally saw what had raged the star-eyed ruckus. He too blinked in wonder for a moment at such a tall and silently proud, respectful man he knew to be such. The hokage grinned. He didn't have to say anything.

Sakumo, arms folded, inclined his head as a nod.

And then, it was only him and Tsunade.

She found her voice. "Did…did you tear your stitches or something?"

He grinned behind the mask. "Tsunade-himé, you worry too much."

"Well look at you!" she exclaimed as if that had said it all—which it probably did; no one could see any trace of bandages or bruises under his mask and clothes at which she knew were still there—and still causing enough pain as it was. "Sakumo…" she said.

"Tsunade-himé," he smiled. "I think you finally said it."

_Damn you, Tsunade—go and get something in your eyes again…_ "Why did you come here?"

"Would you believe I got lost?"

Tsunade wanted to smile, she really did.

After all those people that passed by—the confusion, disdain, shock, awe, even contempt behind their eyes, all for a man in question. But Sakumo—gone to hell and back—just stood there as if he knew something greater.

-

I don't have to answer any of these questions.

--◊--


	19. Chapter 19

**TotW -19**

**Author's **_(...fangirl moment) _**Note:** Yay for Minato, or 'future Yondy', as we so affectionately dubbed. :)

**-**

**-**

* * *

"Are you sure it's appropriate to have _him_ along?"

Even the most private conversations aren't exactly that private…

Kakashi's face was flushed and hot under the indigo mask.

"Yes—I _do_," he heard Minato-sensei say. "And if I am questioned again, I will report you straight to the Uchiha for mutinous behavior."

Suddenly, Minato-sensei was the best sensei ever.

--◊--

Tsunade saw their weary traveler home to make sure that a, he didn't get lost, and b, he got there in one piece. The stitches still weren't ready to come out yet—not for a few more days. Considering how fragile he was—and is, Tsunade wondered why and just _how_ he pushed himself so. She supposed it was another guy thing she'd never figure out.

--◊--

_Goddammit Jiraiya—I don't know what Tsunade has been telling you—but I was _broken_._

_…We have the moments, Jiraiya._

Jiraiya sighed. _Sakumo…_

--◊--

Tsunade had no doubt in her mind Sakumo's appearance spread like wildfire among the forest home that was Konoha. By the chief counselors' discretion, Sakumo was labeled a traitor in the eyes of that state for failing to obey the duties to which it assigned. From thence it trickled—his arrogance must have done him in, he was a coward, he was always too cocky; he probably ran away.

His squad, all with red faces, agreed.

However, Tsunade knew full well the war wasn't the issue. She knew it'd still be raging even if Sakumo had succeeded the operation. The issue was the man.

Sakumo, who proved he still stood tall.

Tsunade looked behind her. _Sakumo…_

_Just Sakumo, and nothing else._

--◊--

"Otou,"

Sakumo looked up as the small figure peered in the doorway. Elusive like a bird, but with the eyes of a hawk; almost like his own. The red glaze of the sunset poured in the side window into orange and yellow hues. He sat there, awake enough from a haze of pain in his side to notice his little Kakashi had not taken off his mask. Sakumo hadn't played indifferent to his son's suspicion. Even with the 'private' conversations there's room for disclosure—something Sakumo didn't know how to do. He had a good guess of what his son was here to ask, and he had no idea how he was going to answer; even though it was probably a yes or no question. Nevertheless, Sakumo looked at him curiously. "Kakashi, what is it?"

The boy walked in slowly and sat with him.

Suddenly, Sakumo wondered, _would it sicken him to say that I love him?_

--◊--

The thought of fire burning woke him up—except it wasn't a memory; it was circling through his veins, radiating from his side. Spots of blood stained the floor in a pattern of patchwork. The soft shine made it hard to discern if they were even there at all. Sakumo stared at it, thinking of ways he could escape it. Thinking how screwed he must be even if he did.

--◊--

The art of misdirection worked flawlessly with the Hatake. Half-blood, full blood, it didn't matter—it's in your arsenal. So, to disregard the simple yes or no question of did you really do it, it was no surprise his son had the permanent look of anger and frustration on his face—Sakumo could read it too clearly. It reminded him of Jiraiya…

When Kakashi left, Sakumo pulled out the pages from behind the only cabinet that was locked.

He wondered how old they were.

--◊--


	20. Chapter 20

****

TotW -20

**Author's Note: **Tsunade and Jiraiya...having a moment, I guess.

**-**

**-**

* * *

Jiraiya couldn't sleep.

So, he got up, and walked to the first place he was least welcome.

Tsunade opened the door wearing a yukata and a mad as hell stare. "Jiraiya…" she slowly pronounced. "What are you doing?"

"I, uh, came to ask you something."

"You sure as hell did not," she said slowly.

But Jiraiya was cold in the hallway. "Please, may I come in?"

Tsunade sighed and let him in.

Regardless of the fact she was the granddaughter of the first hokage and her first home was the one he built with his own hands, Tsunade chose a small apartment place a ways off because she was so independent. It was the first time in a long time—not since before amé, that Jiraiya had set foot in her place. The last time he was mercilessly flung out the window—seriously. Usually, this place was only a trap for him waiting to happen.

Tsunade pulled her legs toward her in a chair, her yukata like a blanket over them. She watched Jiraiya on her couch. "This better be good," she said.

Jiraiya looked down under the weight of her stare…and other certain womanly features. "Well," he said slowly. "I heard about Sakumo today…"

Her look was indifferent, but her voice held the emotion. "Yeah…" She studied his profile. "So…?"

Jiraiya clasped his hands together for something else to do. "Sakumo…damn the guy…he's still hurt, isn't he?"

Tsunade stared at him as if stupid suddenly bore a name. "Oh what a revelation, Jiraiya," she said with sarcasm.

"Oh shut it!" he snapped, keeping his voice low. "I _know_ that…but…I don't know the full extent."

Tsunade considered for a moment. "It hardly matters considering his…standing." she worded.

Jiraiya un-composed in awe and stared at her. "How can you say _that?"_

Tsunade closed her eyes and quietly sighed. "Sakumo's injuries…he will always be in pain," She shook her head. "I can't do anything for him."

Jiraiya looked as if the same had happened to him. His face contorted at the prospect. It wasn't fair. But just like today, he told himself the old Sakumo was coming back. "Sakumo won't give up," he said, believing it.

"Even so…like I said…" She shook her head. "It'd take a miracle to turn this around. Even the war," she added as an afterthought. "Which reminds me, I hear you're going to be near 'Kumo in a few days."

He stared low as if it find dust on the hardwood…"I'm not going."

"What?" She blinked. "Jiraiya—if it's anyone but you we might face the worst yet—"

"I want—no, I need to help my brother."

"You can't," she stared intensely. "You shouldn't interfere—"

_"I'm sick of hearing that!"_ he said through gritted teeth. "Don't tell me what I can't do!"

Tsunade uncurled herself and rose up. "That's it. Out. That's between you and him. Not me."

"But—!"

"Out now," she commanded. "Or you go the hard way."

Jiraiya stood amidst the static. "You said you think you can fix everything, well maybe I have that problem too."

It was at that point Jiraiya went out the hard way.

As a grim result, Tsunade found she couldn't sleep either.

-

Don't have no God to teach me no lessons.

--◊--

The four walls were closing more and more every hour. Sakumo continued losing his chances. He was still on his knees, still looking like he was praying for some kind of answer. He closed his eyes in the pain of breathing; the pain of coming back to face it—the pain of never coming back at all; the pain of knowing what he had to do. It was his only chance.

The lightning.

--◊--


	21. Chapter 21

**TotW -21**

**Author's Note: **After this, there are only three more chapters left. So, wow, it's been long... :)

**-**

**-**

* * *

"Ohayou gozaimasu…Minato-sensei…" greeted Kakashi, looking around. "…Where is everyone?"

"Oh—Ohayou…um…" Minato simply smiled as if it didn't matter. "Just you and me today, Kakashi."

The boy almost wanted to go hide, save the fact he was Hatake, and concealment was part of the denue. "I'm not stupid, sensei…" he muttered lowly.

The phrase was smally overshadowed by the fact Minato was already leading him by the shoulder, watching out for anyone who should walk by…

--◊--

Tsunade and Jiraiya did not see each other for that entire day. It was natural in their…(_delicate_) friendship to be angry all the time, but at a time like this, safe to say, it was literal. Both were content just to be mad for a while—which was fitting in Jiraiya's case since he was often dubbed the town madman.

The lady Tsunade was quite compliant to stay extra hours at the hospital. They needed her, no less. As much as she didn't like it, it was something she had to deal with—at least it diverted her attention, if only for a while.

--◊--

Later that morning, Jiraiya found Sakumo leaning on the rail of the wrap-around porch; wooden, weary, and weathered for at least ten years—Jiraiya couldn't keep track. "Sakumo," he said.

Sakumo looked from the clouds to see something equally as non-moving. "Yo," he said. It wasn't that he was surprised to see him—considering their last conversation he told Jiraiya to leave…Well, Jiraiya seemed friendly enough…"Doshitano?"

Jiraiya walked over to him and leaned the opposite way to look over the field and forest beyond. Well, Sakumo seemed friendly enough…"Just wanted to stop by…how are you?"

"I'm fine," he said casually.

Jiraiya made a face even though Sakumo seemed more interested in the clouds. "Why doesn't anybody ever tell me the truth?" he wondered dryly.

"I've never lied to you."

"Yes you have," Jiraiya argued.

Sakumo glanced at him. "Like when?"

"By omission."

Sakumo raised an eyebrow. With his mask, he simply looked curious. "Oh, so I'm supposed to tell you everything?"

"Preferably," Jiraiya nodded. He gazed at the field. "I'm here to help, Sakumo; I always am."

Sakumo was immensely happy Jiraiya could not see the smile. "I know, Jiraiya," he said quietly. "Thank you."

Jiraiya smiled back. "Anything—I mean it. We can get through this to—"

Sakumo blocked out the rest of the sentence in benign annoyance. "Jiraiya don't make me repeat myself—" he smiled ironically. "I told you I wasn't going to."

_"Why?!"_ Jiraiya said in dissonance, trying to see through a mask he hated seeing when he wanted not to.

"Because…" Sakumo folded his arms. "There's someone I need to protect."

"Well…duh! _Yourself!"_

"No, Jiraiya…" he closed his eyes for a moment, blocking out a swell of pain in his chest. _In addition to you…_ "…My _son_."

Jiraiya blinked. He'd forgotten the boy. The boy…

…who looked just. like. Sakumo.

Jiraiya winced. "Has…has he—"

Sakumo smiled bitterly at what Konoha was doing and looked aside. "He's in more misery than I am."

Jiraiya said nothing, knowing it was probably true.

After a while, Jiraiya asked, "So…what will you do?"

Sakumo grinned; he had already decided.

But instead of telling, he lied. For once. "'Don't know."

Jiraiya believed the answer.

--◊--

As a result, Sakumo's hands had burn marks which extended up his arms a ways. He could swear he still heard the birds chirping while still inside the building. It was the only thing that unnerved him as he escaped the walls:

A sound of thunder.

Rain would have been welcome as the grandest friend to cover his trail, but the dark clouds of the dark night did not yield. Sakumo went north on instinct, having only enough strength to focus on that goal.

--◊--


	22. Chapter 22

**TotW -22**

**Author's Note: **I know, I know, my breaking-up-chapters-skills borderline on non-existent...(sweatdrop...)

**-**

**-**

* * *

Lightning flashed in his eyes as he turned around to storm out. "Kakashi…!" Minato called, but the sound fell dead in his throat. He'd seen him save face for the masked, which today, turned out to be the last time. It wasn't fair to blame deaths and advances on the man; someone so vilified—it wasn't right. Minato understood the mission termination was not without the cost, but grief was already irrational—no need to pull a noose around it. He shook his head when he saw Kakashi take the long way home. Minato prayed there wouldn't be a landslide.

--◊--

For seven years, it was Sakumo and Kakashi…with the help of his ninken, Jiraiya, and a miracle from beyond—one Sakumo nearly lost himself admitting. Sakumo didn't take well to being divorced by death, let alone being left with a child that didn't look a thing like her. Nevertheless, he learned about being 'otousan' on the fly, telling him stories of all the crazy, stupid things he and Jiraiya had done aloft with all different names, and everything else he knew that he hoped was appropriate or helpful in any way, shape, or form…All the while looking for something, anything to remind him.

Sakumo never really found it, and certainly not in the eyes he saw only for an instant before he ran off to his room. The red, wet eyes that said I know what you did, and how could you do it, and why do I have to be the one that's paying the price. Because in the derisive outcome of the final fight of Konoha versus Sakumo, who's Kakashi going to believe?

That night, Sakumo told his son he loved him, and would worry about the consequences tomorrow.

-

I come home in the evening, sit in my chair;

One night they called me for supper, but I never got up; I stayed right there, in my chair…

-

'Cause there's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard,  
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word, somehow…

Think I broke the wings off that little songbird,  
She's never gonna fly to the top of the world right now…

--◊--


	23. The Fateful Day

**TotW -23 The Fateful Day**

**Author's Note: **This is the fateful day. (author makes a sad, angsty face...) It may have seemed like I rushed it, and if so, I apologize. I believe Sakumo knew what he had to do not necessarily _all_ along, but for a while; considering both his condition and the irreversible shame that was induced on himself and his son. (Basically, what Minato said..)

I also think the use of this song was the only appropriate thing to convey Sakumo's journey, as well as that of Jiraiya and Tsunade...and in relation to Kakashi. I remember first listening to the live version of the song, from their Top of the World tour cd, and I was completely drawn in and blown away by it. (Lol, I'm a sucker for a fiddle...and a lonely mandolin.) Top of the World holds immense personal meaning for me, so just to be able to match it with his story was both easy and hard and incredibly daunting. I guess I only hope I did it and Sakumo some justice.

-

-

* * *

Jiraiya came by again the next morning to find Sakumo sitting in his room. Upon his grand, window-entrance, Sakumo shoved away some papers—his mask being in a cuff, Jiraiya saw him smile. "Yo—'Ohayou," he said.

Jiraiya nodded; he started to wonder. He gestured over at the papers. "You…making battle plans?" he asked, borderline amused.

The smile, against all odds, stayed permanent. "Yeah, Jiraiya."

Jiraiya grinned. "So…how are you today?"

The smile turned into a grin. "Fine, I'm fine."

Jiraiya beamed and believed it.

--◊--

Tsunade woke up that morning to find, on a table in her kitchen, a sprig of wildflowers tied with a short violet ribbon. Attached to the ribbon in fine hiragana, she read,

_'Sorry to cause you trouble, Tsunade.'_

She looked up and wondered. And as she realized she was staring at her window, she cursed and knew it was Jiraiya.

--◊--

"Say, Jiraiya,"

"Yeah?"

Sakumo smiled apologetically. "Come to think, there is one thing I'd like you to do."

Jiraiya shrugged loosely, as if to encompass any request. "Anything."

"Tell Minato to keep Kakashi late tonight—there's a few errands I need to run," Sakumo smiled at the word 'run'. "…If you know what I mean."

"Sure," said Jiraiya. He stood up, figuring he should go anyway. "Anything else?"

"No," said Sakumo. "Thank you, Jiraiya—for everything."

He grinned, "No problem. See you, Sakumo."

"Yeah—see you."

The smiles ceased after he left.

Sakumo was silent.

--◊--

Before she left for the hospital, Tsunade shoved the flowers unforgivingly in a hip pocket, waiting to be thrown back into the perverted face from whence they came.

--◊--

It did not take long before Sakumo was so dizzy and numb he started bumping into things. Just another reason he kept going north. Once he could find the clearing, he could hit the valley and wait it out…to die.

He didn't like that prospect, but it beat out death back there.

Hell…anything had been preferable to that place.

--◊--

Jiraiya found the time to pull his protégé aside and ask the favor. Minato agreed without hesitation, but knew convincing Kakashi would be less easy. Nonetheless, Minato would do it.

--◊--

The afternoon wore on just like any other. The clouds rolled by, even under no one's interested stare. It was a relatively clear, Konoha kind of day, and would stay as crystal that evening.

Sakumo stumbled through it.

He began to feel everything he'd tried so hard to push aside the past two days. From the fire that burned under his skin to the hell hole of pain encircling his stomach, he could not get the taste of steel from his mouth, and knew he never ever would. It was unnerving to think they could spend so much time trying to clip your wings when he still had the strength to stand and move on. Pain still knew his name, and even though it was still dizzy, Sakumo had already been to the top of the world.

He waited into the evening to set the blade, his blade, within his son's room. From that carbon point, he chose another—a tantou he probably had his whole life. He could only imagine how many battles it went through itself.

--◊--

That evening, between drawing up the list of the newest drafted teams of chuunin, Jiraiya half-expected to see his brother at one of the chief counselor's office, but got a different surprise instead. A woman. And not just any woman:

Tsunade stomped by him and threw the flowers in his face, not bothering to see if he caught them. "There! Keep them!" She called in annoyance.

"…_Oh!_ Thank you!" Befuzzeled (yet happily amused), Jiraiya watched her waltz away in all her dangerous beauty before he read,

_'Sorry to cause you trouble, Tsunade.'_

Jiraiya stared in confusion when his moment shattered like glass. It only figured it was too good to be true. Still, there was one good side that played in the back of his mind; if Tsunade believed they came from him, she hadn't eaten them…

He ran to catch up with her.

--◊--

Kakashi noticed the sun was setting as Minato-sensei engaged him in a round of practicing katas. Really, he looked back, what got into that guy? (Or…_gets_ in there, for that matter…)

--◊--

"Tsunade! Wait!" he panted.

She winced in annoyance and turned on her heel. "What?"

He stopped quickly as to not run into her. Jiraiya held out the flowers for her.

Tsunade sneered in disgust. "You never even said sorry and yet you—"

"They're not from me."

"…" She blinked. "What?"

Jiraiya held them out steady. "They're not from me."

Reluctantly, she took them back. Tsunade read over the small note again when it hit her. She looked up at Jiraiya. "Sakumo," she said.

"…You sure?"

"Yeah,"

-

I wished I'd have _known_ you…

Suddenly, Tsunade hit her head, "Oh shit—I was going to take out his stitches today…Dammit I _knew_ I forgot something…"

At that moment, Jiraiya couldn't shake the strangest feeling.

--◊--

Sakumo sat on the tatami, the first trace of moonlight shining through the windows. He gazed at the tantou for a while, the blackness matching both the blade and his eyes. He thought back to the internal question someone, maybe God, asked him. Was he prepared? Yes. Did he prefer it? Not really. However, it didn't seem to matter. He stood up to his superiors, his fellow shinobi, and now he, sitting with a blade precariously pointed at himself, would stand up for his son, and wipe away the stain that tainted his name; and would threaten Jiraiya's if anyone ever found out. He regreted he built up his brother's confidence on something that could never be. _You'll have a moment…and then you'll move on. In the meantime, try and forgive me._

All that mattered was that Sakumo give his son another chance to fly, and tell him that he still loved him, whether he'd believe it or not.

For seven years it was only Sakumo and Kakashi…with the help of his ninken, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and the miracle from beyond—one Sakumo was long since ready to embrace.

--◊--

Tsunade looked at him. "Is he home?"

"I don't know—I was here for a while thinking he'd show, but…"

"Then he must be home," Tsunade said. She looked down at Sakumo's token. Tsunade loved wildflowers…and knew she always loved Sakumo. "I'll go home—get my things," she said. "I'm off hours now."

-

I wished I'd have shown _you._

Jiraiya nodded. "How 'bout I meet you over there?"

She agreed.

-

All of the things I was on the inside…

…But he just couldn't shake the strangest feeling.

--◊--

Finally, he staggered from the mess of vines and saw the field.

It was blurry, yet green.

He kept moving down toward the valley, the soft breeze taking away all the breath he had left. It sure was dizzy way up on the top of the world—serves him right for going north. Sakumo long since lost feeling of the blood that trailed down his form in the same fashion as rain. The tugging sense of gravity he felt was lost. He was too weary to avoid colliding with the only thing that could support him. Sakumo collapsed against the lone tree…

…and thought he'd take a little rest…

-

I'd pretend to be sleeping

When you come in in the morning…

--◊--

When Jiraiya got there, he was first alarmed to the fact Kakashi was sitting on the porch on the far right, curled up and hugging his knees. _We have the moments, Jiraiya…_for some inexplicable reason, Sakumo's voice lingered in his ear.

It was completely dark through the slit of the door. He hesitated, but walked through…  
on a scene that was long since too late.

-

…To whisper goodbye.

Go to work in the rain; I don't know why,

Don't know why…

'Cause everyone's singing we just wanna be heard  
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word, somehow…

Wanna grab a hold of that little songbird  
'Take her for a ride to the Top of the World, right now…

--◊--


	24. Chapter 24

**TotW - 24 The Final Chapter**

**Thank you.**

I offered TotW as something I was terrified of posting because I am not the best writer in the world. So now, I offer the last bit with an equal state of fear, happiness, joy, grief, a hug, a sweat drop, and the biggest biggest thank you's to everyone that made it this far with me. (to the top of the world, no less!)

_**...THANK YOU!!**_

**-**

**-**

* * *

The next morning Jiraiya was no where to be found.

Tsunade's eyes were red and tired of crying. People like Lady Koharu and Homura-san couldn't understand why; she supposed it was lucky her sensei had had the highest respect for Sakumo…because after all, she bit her tongue in bitter grief; Sakumo was the strongest guy she knew.

The morning after that started in light rain and only got stronger as it went. Tsunade could not find Jiraiya to save her soul. There was a rumor the town madman was near Kumo, but she didn't believe it. When she came to the funeral, she had hope he'd be there, but he wasn't. The only people she saw were Jiraiya's student, Minato, and the final Hatake who was still just a child. Minato left Kakashi alone when he saw her. The yellow-haired prodigy looked around expectantly for his sensei, but Tsunade shook her head.

Then, the only person that came into sight was Sandaime. Tsunade met him, fighting back the sudden tide of grief—but it brushed her aside like a feather. Sandaime embraced her, noticing her matted blonde hair that said she'd been there a while.

"I…couldn't find Jiraiya…" she said in a muffled voice. "Bastard…" she added glumly. What man doesn't come to his brother's funeral? The whole entire village ought to have come for that matter; Sakumo gave everything to you people…he was a hero…

His embittered son didn't think as much. "He was a fool…" he said in a muffled little voice. What man doesn't follow orders? The whole entire code of shinobi conduct was set up for a _reason_; Sakumo trashed those rules and that was why we were still in the middle of war…he was a fool.

"Kakashi…" continued sensei. "That rule governs _people_, not machines. We think independently…"

Lightning flashed in his eyes. It was unnerving to think they spent so much time keeping him down when now he could start over with a slate that was clean. He turned around to storm out into a different world.

Minato cringed as he thought he heard the sound of thunder.

-

Jiraiya's naivété had flown to awesome new heights.

And yet, at this moment, he never felt so much sobering gravity in his life.

Who was Jiraiya to think any of this would end well. Who was Sakumo to smile so broadly when something so maddenning rages mortal warfare in your mind? Who was Jiraiya to blame him. _You knew I'd defend you until both our names were on this stone_…

The night was cool and drenched from the rain, but it may as well have been from his tears.

…_You had to protect me 'till the end, didn't you_…_?_

…_We have the moments_…

Bastard.

-

I'm going to be feeling this one for the rest of my life.

-

-

A week later, Tsunade and Jiraiya met Orochimaru outside the gates of Konoha, geared up to go back to their favorite place in the world: Amégakuré. Orochimaru was remarking with interest at the simple fact that he had not seen the two together in one place since their last mission as the saanin. Considering all that had occured during those seven days and beyond, the two looked more than distant. "So," he smiled. "Where have you two been…?"

Tsunade glanced at Jiraiya.

Jiraiya glanced at Tsunade.

-

…to the top of the world.

To the top of the world

To the top of the world

To the top of the world

To the top of the world

To the top of the world

To the top of the world

To the Top of the World. . . .

-

-

-

-

--_Caliko_


End file.
